no one reads these – Pretty Little Scribbles

2023.

In all honesty, I’m still taking it in.

I kid you not, two weeks ago, at around 11 in the morning, I was updating my Goodreads and needed to change the ‘read’ date and on the dropdown menu, it read “April 1” and I went berserk. There is no way it’s already April. We’re already more than three months in.

Time never ceases to amaze me (as I’m sure anyone who knows me knows.) My friends and I have been in awe – freshman year of high school is already over. It seems like yesterday we were all nervous in that giddy-excited way, making our way through the gates, and seeing each other after summer break…

And we’re here. It’s summer again. Except I’m going to be a year older soon. And I feel myself trying to hold on to the memories, relish the moment but it’s like grasping for water: you have it for a moment, you feel the coolness on your skin, and just like that; it’s gone.

I write this a couple weeks after a terrorizing set of finals (you wouldn’t believe the relief) and my life just has all this empty space in it – it’s the perfect time for me to pick up a new project, or write some songs, or finish editing my draft… but I find myself unwilling to do something “productive.”

Because, after all, we all need a break sometimes don’t we? (aka, me trying to justify the fact that I haven’t posted since last year. Yes, I’m aware.)

It’s the end of the year again, and that always scares me a little.

I’ve always been tied to routine, and anyone who knows me well is well aware that change – even just the thought of it – isn’t something I adore. As a creature of habit, I’ve always found it hard to wrap my mind around new beginnings.

The close of a year always reminds me that life has new things in store for us; I struggle to put it into words – the sort of impending loss that overwhelms me. It’s almost like a premature longing for times that haven’t passed yet. Nostalgia – one word, three syllables, and yet, it fuels so much emotion in me.

We’ll never be here again: this moment, this place.

But then again, we did make it through these past twelve months. A new beginning is fast approaching, for worse… or for better. Whatever happens, we are here right now, and I think it’s up to us to make the most of it. So, it’s time to see the forest for the trees, and appreciate the hurdles and wins life’s thrown at us this year. Change always reminds me of this quote, one of my all-time favourites:

“[He] wondered if normalcy was something, like vision or silence, you didn’t realize was precious until you lost it.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels.

On that note, I’d like to finally start the wrap-up. I’ve split up the year into four, with some of my favourite snapshots from the months, and a little note on the special moments. 2022 was a beautiful year, honestly. It gave me so much more clarity on what I want to do with my life, career-wise, I learnt to play the guitar, I danced a lot and school went great. Like everything else, it had its ups and downs, but I loved it.